Provender: Spiritual abuse awareness

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Spiritual abuse awareness

Spiritual Soundingboard Blog is gearing up to "blow the bullhorn" on a spiritually abusive situation. Another blogger, exposing abuse of his pastor/stepfather in California, is being sued by his parents for defamation. His account lists both spiritual abuse and child abuse.

Because it's important for voices against spiritual abuse not to be punished for speaking out, Provender blog provides the following links:

Brutal is...

Spiritual Soundingboard on the California abuse lawsuit

Like being raped by them all

0 comments:

What is Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse. It can happen in big churches and small. It can happen in churches that at first seem sound, biblical or healthy. Certain signatures define spiritual abuse: authoritarian leadership, claims that the group or leaders have a special calling or gifts, inability of leaders to handle criticism, harsh treatment of those who question or try to leave. These are just a few. Though the manifestation of abuse differs in externals, underneath are similar traits, repeated in abusive groups. Become familiar with spiritual abuse in a variety of churches and you will soon see how these leaders manipulate and control.

A message to culty group defenders

Sometimes, they apologize

Are you covering your pastor's nakedness?

In Predators in the Pulpit, Chris Efinda discusses the covering nakedness doctrine. Enablers of spiritual abuse justify cover-ups of abusive pastors using this pseudo-scriptural approach. Efinda says that the spiritual "sons" of abusive leaders feel that hiding the wrongdoing of abusive pastors becomes a divine test of their own faithfulness. If you are acting as a go-between, or "filtering" what comes from your pastor and to make it seem more acceptable to others, are you trying to cover your pastor's nakedness? It's very likely.

Also see, Are You Covering for a Spiritually Abusive Pastor

A word from Ezekiel

The word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them."

Ezekiel 34:1-6

A message to abusive pastors from Jeremiah 23

Woe to the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! says the LORD.

Therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel against the pastors that feed my people; You have scattered my flock, and driven them away, and have not visited them: behold, I will visit upon you the evil of your doings, says the LORD.

And I will gather the remnant of my flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and will bring them again to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase.

And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, says the LORD. ...

For both prophet and priest are profane; yea, in my house have I found their wickedness, says the LORD.

^...for from the prophets of Jerusalem is profaneness gone forth into all the land.

Thus says the LORD of hosts, Do not listen to the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD.

They say still to those who despise me, The LORD has said, You shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you.

^...I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied.

But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings.

...I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in my name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed.

How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies? yea, they are prophets of the deceit of their own heart;

Which think to cause my people to forget my name by their dreams which they tell every man to his neighbour, as their fathers have forgotten my name for Baal.

The prophet that has a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that has my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat? says the LORD.

Is not my word like as a fire? says the LORD; and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?

Therefore, behold, I am against the prophets, says the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour.

Jeremiah 23

Spiritual Abuse Quote of the Month

Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments, and experiences in order to promote learning the group's ideology or belief system and group-approved behaviors. Good behavior, demonstrating an understanding and acceptance of the group's beliefs, and compliance are rewarded while questioning, expressing doubts or criticizing are met with disapproval, redress and possible rejection. If one expresses a question, he or she is made to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them to be questioning...Approval comes from having the new member's behaviors and thought patterns conform to the models (members). Members' relationship with peers is threatened whenever they fail to learn or display new behaviors. Over time, the easy solution to the insecurity generated by the difficulties of learning the new system is to inhibit any display of doubts -- new recruits simply acquiesce, affirm and act as if they do understand and accept the new ideology. -- Step 5 of MargaretSinger's Six Conditions for Thought Reform, found on ICSA

Covering and Manipulation

Two sites I want to emphasize:
The site Covering and Authority ends up buried and hard to find because it was a late discovery, so I thought I'd make a handy sidebar link to this page on the concept of covering or theology of covering. This site includes many scriptural references refuting the idea of human responsibility for the sins and behavior of others.

Also, a Rest Ministries page on manipulation and spiritual abuse disappeared when Geocities closed its sites in October. Before it disappeared, I preserved part of it and now have it linked HERE. This site exposed, in vivid detail, techniques abusers use to get followers to do their bidding. Very insightful

Current Hot Spots

Prestonwood Baptist
More on Prestonwood Baptist
Brisbane Christian Fellowship

Calvary Temple
Calvary Chapel Visalia
PembinaandFirst
MarsHill
and Mars Hill again
More Mars Hill
IFB
IFB Survivors Network
FBC Jax Watchdog
Twisted
Gracepoint
Freedom4Captives
Leavingsrf
SGM and more SGM

(A warning: Spiritual abusers can be downright ugly. Sometimes they hack blogs that expose their ugly practices. Provender will try to find safe sites that discuss the group, but if you should end up on a site that is hacked or gives you a bunch of pop-ups, or redirects you to unsavory pages, please let us know so we can make the links safe. Thanks!)

Why are some pastors abusive?

Why do they do it? There is no one answer to why some church leaders become abusive. Some do seem to enjoy controlling others or using their money. In some cases, the form of church government makes abuse easy to fall into. Some may have been brought up in churches with domineering leadership styles and that's what they are used to. Some likely have personality disorders. And sometimes, it's simply unintentional. I have read of pastors who recognize their abusive behavior and turn from it. I have read other sources that say that it's rare for abusive pastors to change. Sometimes you will never know why a leader does the harmful things he does. Instead of wasting time blaming, however, we can read up on spiritual abuse and through patient exploration, try to understand it better.

Moses Model and Absolute Power

Calvary Chapel and other churches provide ideal conditions for authoritarianism with their Moses Model church government structure. Too often, pastors find it hard to resist the temptation to absolute power without any meaningful accountability.

TESTING FOR ABUSIVE PRACTICES IN A MOSES-MODEL CHURCH
I found this post on a non-denominational forum, and I thought I would repost it here because this test seems right on the mark.

I think I can help you find out if your CC has an abusive quality. Question its leaders in a loving, respectful manner and see what happens.

Is there a topic you disagree with? Question the pastor, but do it with scripture. Take notes of his answers to research the scripture he uses.

Next ask for the financial information on the church. Whether it is a recognized 501C3 by the IRS with a letter of determination or the pastor states he does not need a letter does not matter. The church by law is a non-profit organization and has to allow its donors access to its financial records.

Lastly, visit other non-CC churches in the area and if you find one that you enjoy mention the church by name and share what you enjoy. Also, read a Christian author that CC in general does not approve of such as Rick Warren, R.C. Sproul or such and carry the book to one of your church meetings.

Why do all of these things? Because.. one thing I know is most people who try to do these 3 things w.ill feel some fear in doing so.

They know the unwritten rules of:

1. do not question the pastor,
2. do not inquire about finances
3. do not accept those we do not accept.

If you have this fear, you know you are in an abusive CC. If you do not have the fear, the reaction to what you do will tell more than the answers.

You will soon find in an abusive CC that you are an outcast, not welcomed and possibly shunned.

If nothing happens and the pastor allows you to disagree by using scripture, does not hide the churches finances and allows you to search out if others are spiritually sound or not he and his CC is more than likely secure in God's work.

On a sidenote

Though the Church Growth Movement is not inherently abusive in nature, there is an area where it overlaps with abusive church behavior, and that is when it moves to limit authority to just a few people or even one person.
There is an authoritarian tendency in churches trying to break free of traditional church culture and become a CGM or PDC church. Those promoting such "purpose-driven" church changes know they will receive opposition, and they too often prepare for opposition by severe behavior: paring down boards, holding secret meetings, eliminating various safeguards and avenues of accountability.
If the process your church is going through is guided by openness and transparency, with plenty of input by all members in the group and not just a small cadre of lockstep, groupthinking devotees, all is well.
If authority figures, though, manipulate events and hide what they are doing, it's time to give careful scrutiny to what is going on with your church.

If your church is making the transition, be careful of any movement to avoid transparency or limit power.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Just a little fun with the "church growth movement": Cheeze Whiz Church.

Design by Amanda @ Blogger Buster

Provender

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Spiritual abuse awareness

0 comments:

Translate

Add your comments

Share Provender

What is Spiritual Abuse?

Don't Talk?

Are you covering for a spiritually abusive pastor?

What's happening to my church?

RED FLAGS

A message to culty group defenders

Sometimes, they apologize

Using words to manipulate

What does elitism have to do with spiritual abuse?

Misusing Scripture to Abuse

Stories of abuse and survival

Check main site

Contact Provender

Performance-based Churches

The God of Broken Hearts

Featured link: The Web of Narcissism

Provender's guest posts

Are you covering your pastor's nakedness?

A word from Ezekiel

Resources for Camping Followers

A message to abusive pastors from Jeremiah 23

Tell your story

Follow the leader, but with care

Search Here

Order of Posts

Psalms for the Oppressed

A glimpse into life under the thumb of controlling church

Spiritually abused woman needs prayer, help

How they use words to manipulate and abuse

Spiritual Abuse Quote of the Month

Subscribe To Provender

Covering and Manipulation

Additional resources

Contact Provender

Pages

Current Hot Spots

What we've seen before

Why are some pastors abusive?

Georgia Southern Baptist blog ban

Moses Model and Absolute Power

On a sidenote

About Provender

Feedjit