Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Spiritual Abuse Resource Treasury

Here is an annotated list of top sites on spiritual abuse.
The list is organized into eight sections:

If you are wondering if your church or pastor is spiritually abusive, or if your church leaders are engaging in cult-like practices, or if authoritarian power structures are in place at your church, this site can direct you to helpful sources.
If you are just wondering if your church is moving in a dangerous direction, many sites linked here can help, too.
(If you find a useful site, send a link and I'll see about adding it.)

For easier searching, visit the Searchable Provender.

Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:

Battered Sheep Ministries:  This site is brimming with great articles. What Language Does Your Church Speak? gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; Abuse of Authority in the Church; The Bible and Spiritual Abuse; Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies? A Checklist  Are Churches the Home of Wolves? and many other great resources.

Warning Signs is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastor), but in those who follow cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with a technique called "love bombing" which looks like love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders:
  • Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability
  • no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry
  • unrealistic fears about the outside world
  • the leader always needing to be right.
Some warning signs of cult followers:
  • Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution"
  • extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern
  • a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor
  • former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil
  • anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.
The Cult Church is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control."

Barnabas Ministry offers  a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church  decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It  summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual  abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some  questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction  their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that  for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in  order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation  questions:

What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?
Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?
Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?
Do you see problems with the system?
Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?
Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?
Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?

On another page of Barnabas Ministry, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an  abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.

Rest Ministries  Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on this link. The pages on manipulation and authoritarianism are excellent. Ron Henzel is still around and writing on other topics,  so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another  site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual  abuse.

How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic by Voyle A. Glover
I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt:
 Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?

For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire lists  so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the  charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of  these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to  many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.

Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with Eight Signs of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group:
  • Scripture twisting
  • Controlling leader or leadership
  • Separation or isolation of members
  • The chosen few (spiritual elitism)
  • Uniformity of lifestyle
  • No dissent
  • Traumatic departure
  • In transition (to a less healthy system)
Voices from the Fringe  is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead  to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic Churches that Abuse (see below in book  section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what  the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: 
  • An emphasis on spiritual experiences
  • An increased focus on the role of demons
  • A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
  • A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
  • An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
  • Few checks and balances
  • Minimal leadership accountability
  • A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics
Danger Ahead This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others:  Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.
    Aberrant Christianity: What is it? This  web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history  (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on  some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or  list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological.  Among the sociological red flags are these:
    • Deceptive recruiting practices.
    • Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.
    • Elitism.
    • Alienation from family and friends.
    • Legalism.
    • Induced fatigue.
    • Sanction oriented.
    • Anti-intellectual.
    • Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.
    • Mind control.
    Abusive Churches  by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It  details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more  description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran  lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members;  rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name;  denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young  adults.

    A review of the book Captive Hearts, Captive Minds by  Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing  headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do  we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian  Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:
    Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:
    •  the tendency to hierarchy            
    •  the drive for power (and wealth)            
    •  hostility, hatred, prejudice
    •  superficial judgments of people and events            
    •  a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power            
    •  interpreting kindness as weakness            
    •  the tendency to use people and see others as inferior            
    •  a sadistic-masochistic tendency            
    •  incapability of being ultimately satisfied            
    •  paranoia
    Spiritual Abuse  by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores  reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of  it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become  spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy  talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger,  perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church.

    Narcissism in the Pulpit,  includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's  need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template  behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and  pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the  trouble.)

    The site uses a World Health Organization  definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic  Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose  self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a  driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism,  and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."

    Authoritarian  pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing  what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful,  especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of  nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a  clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited  success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly  convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...

    As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at Under Much Grace blog is this article from  a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of  manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and  includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting  blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role,  brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like  your pastor.

    An Australian site called Clare's Blog: Clergy Abuse Australia, (also drawing on The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else.

    Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. This article from Wittenberg Gate explores the danger of flattery.

    When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, A Word to the Wives, found on the Wicked Shepherds site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.

    What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: If your god is not God, fire him. Highlights:
    Let  me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to  forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God.  It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in  the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the  wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a  whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick:
    The angry, abusive god
    The abandoning god
    The inattentive god
    The impotent god
    The shaming god

    Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall  into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new  introduction page, How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.

    This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse cuts  to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual  abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham  Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies.

    Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by churchabuse.com, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. Divination - Is it Real or Fake? shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.

    When has Authority Gone Too Far?  This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the  unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11  marks of perverted authority:
    • The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word
    • The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you"
    • The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things
    • There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct
    • There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support
    • A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it
    • There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed"
    • There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe"
    • There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word
    • There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged)
    • There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.
    Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:  Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample:  Any  questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with  comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from  the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God.  Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or  rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged.

    Con Artist Pastors? The Persecutors is a series on the African Bereans blog (see  below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive  leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and  minister Chris Efinda explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:
    Con artists share these traits:
    • tend to be excellent conversationalists
    • exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a na├»ve expectation of good faith
    • are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence.
    • are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they  can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very  likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling,  self-serving, and irresponsible.
    • look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.
    • see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.
    • claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and  entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to  them.
    • display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.
    • appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.
    • can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.
    • don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.
    • discredit their accusers when they are confronted.
    • cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.
    • are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.
    • have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.
    • are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.
    The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very  far away from them, avoid them at all costs.
    Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:
    • Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.
    • Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb  sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn,  ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They  label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.
    • Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills”  or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know  and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of  credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any  hidden agenda.
    • Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”.  They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They  love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them  Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of  a “mfundisi” or pastor.
    • Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.
    • Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to  offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all  the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play  to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they  would never consider.
    • Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.
    • Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to  manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous  orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then  reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.
    • Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an  unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This  tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the  confrontation.
    • Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the  truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as  they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]
    When a believer finally discovers that he/she has  been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone  can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too  spiritual can be conned.
    There is a simple way to prevent self  from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his  claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for  yourself.”
    Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.

    Con  artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as  soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather  run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His  grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and  cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out  the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.

    It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.
    The  con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually,  their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more  lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel  betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool  out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]

    Another  site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind  control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform listed on the web site Refocus.

    Unfortunately, not always open to public view Characteristics of a Sociopath, quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, Tales from the Crypt.  By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a  feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to  be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description  of how abusive people manipulate followers.
    Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders:
    • a) They aren’t like that all the time
    • b) They are only like that with you
    • c) They didn’t really mean it
    • d) You don’t really understand them
    • e) You are just being difficult
    • f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)
    • g) That’s just the way they are
    • h) They are just very passionate about their work
    From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. Some examples:
    • will  often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment  and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
    • is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap  into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them  as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
    • gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
    • once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased  gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate -  this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial  conflicts into mutually assured destruction
    • revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
    • when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might  lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with  repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
    • is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers
    • is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath

    Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from kinnon.tv: Leadership.  Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders,  especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to  positions of authority. Sample quote: I live in shock at the apparent  lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some  supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds. Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.

    Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:

    Is your church healthy or unhealthy? Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview.

    What Really Matters blog shares a list of what's healthy and what's not in this easy-to-read comparative list.

    A list of warning signs from I am Listening. The first four are especially insightful:
    1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you.
    2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.
    3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril.
    4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.

    Church Abuse.com features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.

    Thugs in the Pulpit Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader?

    This article by Richard Dobbins in ministrytodaymag.com includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following:
    • I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people.
    • I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment.
    • Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations.
    • I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates.
    • I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm.
    • I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks.
    • I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me.
    • I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack.
    • I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.
    Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of Control Freak Pastors

    From Spotlight Ministries, Are You the Victim of Mind Control? contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:
    • Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt?
    • What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.
    • Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions?
    • Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible?
    • Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks.
    • Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999).
    • Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)?
    • Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.
    • Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)?
    • Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?
    • Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?
    • Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc.
    • Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members?
    • Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement?
    • Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’

    Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the Wicked Shepherds site is this checklist of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items:
    •Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?
    •Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers?
    •Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned?
    •Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”?
    •Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God?
    •Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion?
    •Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?
    There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.

    Attacking Men of God? is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.

    Is your pastor a serial bully? A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:
    •is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability
    •has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion
    •is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
    •displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
    • shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water
    •flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation

    Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse:
    The Bible and Spiritual Abuse is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.

    To be a good Christian, must you always trust your pastor? This Calvary Chapel response site post, called Fatalistic Faith, likens unaccountable pastors' claims that you aren't exercising faith when you demand accountability, to Satan's temptation of Christ. Throw yourself off the temple and He will catch you, says the tempter. Simply throw yourself into the judgment of your leaders and God will protect you, say unaccountable church authorities.

    How do you study the Bible after someone has bludgeoned you with it? This post on the essential blog Under More Grace discusses the problem many have coming out of abusive churches in approaching scripture. The author discusses the difficulty she had and how she dealt with it, and she includes links to many useful sites as well. She also gives helpful suggestions on how to relate to scripture when it stops speaking to you as it used to.

    Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.

    This article, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders.

    Stop Spiritual Abuse contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems. Are pastors more anointed? This article by John R. Anderson corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: Christians criticizing Christians: Is it biblical?; http://books.google.com/books?id=o-ZkMPJYWOkC&pg=PA55&lpg=PA55&dq=twisted+scriptures+Mary+Alice+unlimited&source=bl&ots=Z9bax3f_sz&sig=35f_3FKV0Ojvq8HhubNIPM1zGkQ&hl=en&ei=C-tTTojHB_GlsQKn_fiLBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false">Unlimited authority from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; Beyond Accountibility from the same author; and a whole lot of others.

    Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership, by Kevin Johnson  looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.

    If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive? This article from truthguard.com points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.

    Wicked Shepherds site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.

    Also from Wicked Shepherds is this article entitled: When Should a Christian Leave a Church? Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:

         There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin!
         If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.
         However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.

         Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.
         They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher.
         These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees."

    Accountability in the Bible Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament?

    This site from ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.

    Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection? This site, part of a larger site called Covering and Authority, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.

    A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse I Peter 5:3: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts.

    If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.

    Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:

    Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.

    Getting your identity back after spiritual abuse: This article, Spiritual Identity Crisis, again from churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulty victims have after years of treating pastors as divine beings. "This void (or identity crisis) is most likely the result of allowing our identity to be stolen away when we were involved in the group, and then being forced to manage our own identity again when the group/leader is no longer in our lives." You might not think you need to read this article immediately after escaping from a spiritually damaging group, but if you come back to it later, you can realize how helpful it is in connecting the dots and helping you get your life back together.
    Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for:
    • Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions?
    • Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control?
    • Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group?
    • Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones?
    • Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas?
    • Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience?
    • Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving?
    • Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?

    Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called Cult Awareness and Information Centre. Some highlights:
    • flashbacks to cult life
    • disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it”
    • “Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person
    • difficulty concentrating
    • hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself
    • dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
    • dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting
    • trouble holding down a job 
    The Agony of Seeing Spiritual Abuse as it Really Is: This post uses a comment from a Harold Camping follower on a forum to investigate the roller-coaster-like nature spiritual abuse in action. Here, you can see that spiritual abuse victims are torn between defending the abuser or former leader and castigating him as they come out of the influence of the group.
      Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site:  http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/ Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.

      The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.

      Kira Love Counseling Services Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone.
      Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:

      I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth. You can find more information on her site linked above.

      Knapp Family Counseling
      According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.

      Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships. For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.

      Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.

      Also at Barnabas Ministry is a book review of Ken Blue's Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this:
      The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113).

      Recovery from Spiritual Abuse is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget:
      • Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church.
      • All struggle spiritually, even leaders.
      • All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality).
      • All make mistakes, none is infallible.
      • All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.
      • All need each other - none is needless.
      • All have something to give and are valuable to God.
      • All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards.
      • All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses.
      • The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.
      Freedom in Jesus For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, Freedom in Jesus provides a 12-step plan for recovery, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.

      Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.

      Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians, from Restoring the Heart blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.

      Best books on spiritual abuse:
      The Heresy of Mind Control is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the Freedom4captives site.

      Churches that Abuse This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults.

      Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." This review provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the Can't Talk rule.
      A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist is here.
      Some highlights:
      Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)

      This review of the book Toxic Faith (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights.

      You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.

      Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called Signs of Spiritual Abuse are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful:
      • Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group
      • absolute authority of the leadership
      • No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body
      • Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members
      • Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders
      • Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline"
      • Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued
      • Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines
      • Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines
      • De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership
      • Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources
      • Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation
      • Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives
      • Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group
      • Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases
      • Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God
      • Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander
      • Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result
      • Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

      I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.

      Spiritual Abuse Recovery:  Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the reviews on Amazon.  It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church  government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked  at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse.

      Not of My Making by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is here.

      People of the Lie, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.

      Best blogs on spiritual abuse:
      A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.

      If you don't read any other blog on spiritual abuse, make sure to read these two companion blogs. Under Much Grace and Under More Grace are THE most detailed and researched sites on spiritual abuse. The author, Cindy Kunsmun, shares her own experience and years of intelligent research and understanding. It is the groundbreaking blog on the subject.

      Under More Grace includes parts of Cindy's testimony and a wonderful treatment of her attempt to recover after being out of the abusive church. Her story is replete with helpful links as well.

      Under Much Grace is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation.
      The analysis in some of these articles is excellent. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.

      DeTox Church Group This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: We like realness, people who embrace reality yet have  faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. We like faith, we just don't want  to pretend reality isn't happening.We like humor because it balances out the seriousness of  our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times  we live in.We like truth  and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.We value intelligent critical thinking  not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit.

      Religious Cults Info is a blog looking particularly at a cult-like group in North Carolina, the Word of Faith Fellowship. It includes many worthwhile links, stories of abuse in that Fellowship and other like groups. The site demonstrates how some abusive church leaders exercise control even into the most personal areas of member's lives (like how to roll and fold toilet paper!) Well worth a look.

      One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from Spiritual Authority Weirdness on Thinking about it all blog: Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too. That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.

      From Set Free on What Really Matters blog is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:
      • Greater compassion and empathy towards others
      • Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.)
      • Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.)
      • Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)
      • Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.)
      • Courage
      • Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)
      • Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!)
      • Sense of direction and purpose
      • Flexibility
      • Openness
      • Ability to show emotion
      • Ability to be yourself
      • Ability to find meaning in adversity
      • Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)
      When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, Quivering Daughters blog provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.

      Tales from the Crypt is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse.

      A good blog on cult involvement is VM Life Resources. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.

      For something a little different, the Wartburg Watch is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers.

      A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called The Bereans discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.

      God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.

      The Word on The Word of Faith. This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it?

      The God of Broken Hearts Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.

      These links are to video presentations by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the National Association for Christian Recovery site.

      Silly Women: This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.

      Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse.


      She had to choose between church or daughter

      This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery

      This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job Also, edicts on not smashing pennies!

      They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.

      The man behind the curtain

      Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.

      Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years

      Holey coverups

      Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group

      A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also.

      This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse

      This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another

      Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge

      College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes

      Many, many stories mostly from UPC members

      An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy

      When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further

      Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.

      When humility is not humility

      After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD

      His family chose the elders and shunned him

      Facebook page

      Because a Provender reader expressed interest in a Facebook page for sharing with friends -- in and out of abusive churches -- this new Facebook page is now available. We've secured a willing administrator and are ready to go. The page allows Facebook friends to share stories, tips for success in dealing with spiritually abusive situations, questions on spiritual abuse topics or other observations on matters of spiritual abuse. Provender would prefer that specific churches or individuals not be mentioned by name, except in private posts. Provender will occasionally post links to the page on matters dealing with spiritual abuse.


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      What is Spiritual Abuse?

      Spiritual abuse. It can happen in big churches and small. It can happen in churches that at first seem sound, biblical or healthy. Certain signatures define spiritual abuse: authoritarian leadership, claims that the group or leaders have a special calling or gifts, inability of leaders to handle criticism, harsh treatment of those who question or try to leave. These are just a few. Though the manifestation of abuse differs in externals, underneath are similar traits, repeated in abusive groups. Become familiar with spiritual abuse in a variety of churches and you will soon see how these leaders manipulate and control.

      Are you covering for a spiritually abusive pastor?

      What's happening to my church?

      A message to culty group defenders

      Cult Next Door posted this excellent response to those culty-group defenders -- who lambaste victims on blogs exposing spiritual abuse. These folks see nothing wrong with the abusive leader, defend the hurtful practices and blame the one exposing the tactics. They needle victims, and pile on blame. They excuse the harm of abusers, and belittle the pain of victims. Provender wishes every blog on spiritual abuse would have a little message like this for these folks.

      Sometimes, they apologize

      Every once in a while, church leaders in these situations apologize. A Florida blogger, FBCWatchdog, was kicked out of church and given trespass warning documents after being outed as a church blogger critic, and later was branded a "sociopath" by the pastor of his large, Florida church, in the local paper. The blogger eventually brought suit. After the ruling (and likely as part of the settlement), the pastor publicly apologized. There is much more to the story, but these are the highlights.

      Using words to manipulate

      It can be subtle, or it can hit you head on. When spiritual abusers are cornered, certain techniques crop up again and again. Here are some samples.

      What does elitism have to do with spiritual abuse?

      Does your church think it's special? What does it think of other churches? Elitism is a big sign your church or group could be spiritually dangerous. CLICK HERE for more

      Misusing Scripture to Abuse

      Check out The Cult Next Door's interview with Provender on twisting scriptures.

      Stories of abuse and survival

      Links to stories of spiritual abuse:

      She had to choose between church or daughter

      When he wanted to move out of state, the pastor of this Kansas UPC church said he'd be going "down, down, down."

      This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery

      What is it like to lose your son to a spiritually abusive church? One mother's story.

      Her husband gave up law practice to give his all to church, and the whole family ended up shunned by order of the leadership.

      Cruel stepfather is also pastor of a California "Bible-based" church (a Calvary Chapel). His children suffered beatings meted out by this pastor/stepdad. Church leaders would not disassociate themselves, only minimize and cover up the pastor/dad's violence.

      This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job Also, edicts on not smashing pennies!

      They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.

      The man behind the curtain

      Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.

      Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years

      Holey coverups

      Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group

      A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also.

      This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse

      This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another

      Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge

      College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes

      Many, many stories mostly from UPC members

      An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy

      When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further

      Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.

      When humility is not humility

      After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD

      His family chose the elders and shunned him

      "Untouchable, unaccountable, unknowable, and alone"

      Abusive pastor destroys congregation he was "called" to serve

      Check main site

      Make sure to check out the main Provender site

      Contact Provender

      If you have found an especially helpful site on spiritual abuse, please email Provender and we'll see about adding it. If you need to tell your story, you can also email Provender. We'll always keep your story confidential unless you wish to post it in the case studies section.

      Also, if you notice broken links on this site, please contact Provender: Click Here

      Featured link: The Web of Narcissism

      Provender's guest posts

      A Sense of Futility on Quivering Daughters blog

      Spiritual Abuse is Hidden Trauma on The Cult Next Door blog

      Are you covering your pastor's nakedness?

      In Predators in the Pulpit, Chris Efinda discusses the covering nakedness doctrine. Enablers of spiritual abuse justify cover-ups of abusive pastors using this pseudo-scriptural approach. Efinda says that the spiritual "sons" of abusive leaders feel that hiding the wrongdoing of abusive pastors becomes a divine test of their own faithfulness. If you are acting as a go-between, or "filtering" what comes from your pastor and to make it seem more acceptable to others, are you trying to cover your pastor's nakedness? It's very likely.

      Also see, Are You Covering for a Spiritually Abusive Pastor

      A word from Ezekiel

      The word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them."

      Ezekiel 34:1-6

      A message to abusive pastors from Jeremiah 23

      Woe to the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! says the LORD.

      Therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel against the pastors that feed my people; You have scattered my flock, and driven them away, and have not visited them: behold, I will visit upon you the evil of your doings, says the LORD.

      And I will gather the remnant of my flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and will bring them again to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase.

      And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, says the LORD. ...

      For both prophet and priest are profane; yea, in my house have I found their wickedness, says the LORD.

      ... for from the prophets of Jerusalem is profaneness gone forth into all the land.

      Thus says the LORD of hosts, Do not listen to the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD.

      They say still to those who despise me, The LORD has said, You shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you.

      ...I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied.

      But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings.

      ...I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in my name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed.

      How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies? yea, they are prophets of the deceit of their own heart;

      Which think to cause my people to forget my name by their dreams which they tell every man to his neighbour, as their fathers have forgotten my name for Baal.

      The prophet that has a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that has my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat? says the LORD.

      Is not my word like as a fire? says the LORD; and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?

      Therefore, behold, I am against the prophets, says the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour.

      Jeremiah 23

      Tell your story

      The Cult Next Door blog invites those who have been spiritually abused to tell their stories. This can be a healthy exercise for victims of abuse, especially those living under a "can't talk" rule.

      Follow the leader, but with care

      An editorial on how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders.

      Search Here

      To search Provender (or to see the latest additions to Provender), CLICK HERE

      Order of Posts

      I like to keep the list of helpful sites on Spiritual Abuse at or near the top because providing links to the best resources on this topic is the main purpose of this blog. If a post seems to disappear, you can usually find it below the first post.

      Psalms for the Oppressed

      A glimpse into life under the thumb of controlling church

      Breaking the Chains: Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel by Shari Howerton details life under the thumb of an oppressive church.

      Spiritually abused woman needs prayer, help

      How they use words to manipulate and abuse

      Spiritual Abuse Quote of the Month

      Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments, and experiences in order to promote learning the group's ideology or belief system and group-approved behaviors. Good behavior, demonstrating an understanding and acceptance of the group's beliefs, and compliance are rewarded while questioning, expressing doubts or criticizing are met with disapproval, redress and possible rejection. If one expresses a question, he or she is made to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them to be questioning...Approval comes from having the new member's behaviors and thought patterns conform to the models (members). Members' relationship with peers is threatened whenever they fail to learn or display new behaviors. Over time, the easy solution to the insecurity generated by the difficulties of learning the new system is to inhibit any display of doubts -- new recruits simply acquiesce, affirm and act as if they do understand and accept the new ideology. -- Step 5 of MargaretSinger's Six Conditions for Thought Reform, found on ICSA

      Covering and Manipulation

      Two sites I want to emphasize:
      The site Covering and Authority ends up buried and hard to find because it was a late discovery, so I thought I'd make a handy sidebar link to this page on the concept of covering or theology of covering. This site includes many scriptural references refuting the idea of human responsibility for the sins and behavior of others.

      Also, a Rest Ministries page on manipulation and spiritual abuse disappeared when Geocities closed its sites in October. Before it disappeared, I preserved part of it and now have it linked HERE. This site exposed, in vivid detail, techniques abusers use to get followers to do their bidding. Very insightful

      Additional resources

      Dr. Barb Orlowski has provided these additional resources she came across in the course of her research. Thanks, Dr. Orlowski.


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